Toxic People-- How to Deal

What is a toxic person? This excerpt very simply and perfectly describes a toxic person:

"These are angry, abusive and unhappy people who feel compelled to take out their anger and unhappiness on those around them.They will never humble themselves and admit wrong because, in their own minds, they have no problems. The problem is always, always with everyone around them who fails to meet their expectations and insatiable desires. Toxic people are known by the turmoil they create around them. Whether it is a family member, spouse, co-worker, fellow church member, neighbor or someone else, these people are able to inflict considerable pain in the people they hurt. They are not happy unless there is drama and intrigue and strife in progress. They seem to take pleasure in creating chaos where there is peace, and in hurting those who are otherwise happy by finding their weakest, most vulnerable area. Toxic people drain the life out of those around them." (source: http://ingridschlueter.wordpress.com/2009/03/05/dealing-with-toxic-people/)

Unfortunately, too many of us are dealing with toxic people in our lives. Is there someone who sticks out in your mind while reading that? If so, I am sorry. I know how much havoc a toxic person can cause to someone else. These strategies helped me deal with the toxic people in my life, and I hope it helps you, too.

Here are some useful websites:

1. http://www.peopleskillsdecoded.com/how-to-deal-with-toxic-people/

2. http://www.dovechristiancounseling.com/How-To-Deal-With-Toxic-People-In-Your-Life.html

Life is so very precious and too short to be anything but happy. I know that I am making a pledge to myself, my husband, and to my children to not allow toxic people to affect the life we have worked so hard to attain and maintain.

 

Vale 4th of July!

Every "Small Town, America" claims to host the best 4th of July celebration. But, let's be honest-- there can only be one winner, so I'm here to tell you why there's no where else you should be over Independence Day than my hometown of Vale, Oregon!!!

Rather than celebrating on one day, Vale jam-packs four full days of fun, giving locals and visitors more than just the typical small town celebration elsewhere. Read on!

First, there's the atmosphere. Everyone in town is simply buzzing with pride. Locals proudly show off the town's cute, historic down town, which is filled with shops and restaurants, a museum a block away, and friendly people. You can grab a burger, gravy fries, and a shake at the Starlite Cafe on one end of town for some local grub before peeking into Malheur Drug and Luzetta's Flower Shop for trinkets. And you definitely can't miss the bakery for fresh baked goods. That's just to name a few! Vale also boasts a Dairy Queen for speedy treats, Big "R" Burger, and Chavelita's restaurant with the best Mexican food north of the border (I suggest the shrimp cerviche!) The hot spot for adult only fun after the sun goes down is the Sagebrush Saloon where the owner has a great fenced in "party yard" with fun events like karaoke, pool, beach parties, mechanical bull riding, and more. New to the celebration is a Battle of the Bands competition at the Sagebrush, open to all ages. If you think America's got talent, you should see what Vale has to offer! If it's history you want, look no further. Vale is located on the Oregon Trail so visitors can see actual wagon ruts, visit the historic Stone House Museum, take a walking tour of the nationally recognized Oregon Trail-inspired murals (check out my favorite-- "Beginner's Luck" at Wadleigh Park-- I am in it!), or just grab an older community member for handed down tales of what it was like "way back when." You won't meet an unwelcoming face and everyone is more than willing to show you around their little piece of heaven.

If you're looking for fun and adventure for all ages, Vale has it! There is the more laid back events like the Oregon Trail Days and art in the park where vendors set up shop to sell food and items. Sometimes there is live music, karaoke, quilt shows, an obstacle course, and pie baking contests. If you're a local or an out of towner you won't be disappointed in the community Lions Club breakfast either. It's not just Texas that believes in big portions! For sports fans, there's a fun run and a beautiful 9-hole golf course not too far away (Country View Golf Course.) Bully Creek is a little oasis in the middle of sagebrush and dirt. It's a great place to take a dip and go for a swim, boat, fish, and/or jet ski. Plus, you can camp there, too, for a relatively cheap fee. If swimming in a lake isn't your thing, Vale has a community pool with a water slide and two diving boards. Kids hang out there all summer long-- it's the place to be! There are lots of activities for kids, too, in a town small enough to remain safe for kids to roam freely: stick horse races, sidewalk chalk art competition, a petting zoo, face painting, games in the park, and the parade. The parade is fun for all ages, but really a blast for kids. It's made up of rodeo royalty, old time cars with fancy horns (speaking of old cars, there is an old car show in the park-- usually featuring over 50 cars!), local families and groups, boisterous high schoolers threatening the crowd with water balloons, clowns, Shriners, veterans and military personnel, Smokey the Bear, firemen and engines with sirens blaring, and so much more. Candy galore, too! Make sure you take part in the Duck Race-- you can purchase a plastic duck at any of the local businesses and hope that your duckie is the first to reach the finish line on the Malheur River right outside of town. It's a sight to see hundreds of multi-colored ducks floating down the river!

And for the cowboys, and cowboys at heart, you can't miss the famous Vale Fourth of July rodeo in the Shamrock Arena! In addition to the standard rodeo events, like calf-roping, bull riding, steer wrestling, and barrel racing, Vale boasts one of the nation's handful of Suicide Races where the toughest and craziest horsemen and women run their horses full speed off a hillside, off of cliffs, over slippery pavement, and through a river. This is something you have to see for yourself to truly experience the thrill and excitement of it all. I highly suggest the river bank close to the fence so you can see the best part of the race and feel the wind whip across your face as the  horse thunders past you. Vale also hosts a Wild Cow Milking contest, which is my personal favorite event. My dad won the contest in 1988 and gave me his giant buckle adorned with rubies, gold, and silver. The gist of the event is to rope and milk a cranky mama cow the fastest. Cowboys get tossed around the arena and it's pretty comical.

Some might wonder what my favorite aspect of the celebration is-- and that's easy to answer. It's seeing people who come back year after year to my tiny home town to partake in the activities because they, too, know that Vale hosts the BEST Fourth of July celebration. It's a great time of year to see old friends and family or meet new friends. Now that I am a mother, it is fun to see my friends bring their kids to the events I once loved as a kid, and I know that my kids will also grow up loving their small-town celebration, too. It really is a great place to live and visit any time of the year, but particularly over the Fourth of July.

(This year, I will be celebrating all of the events, as well as my 10 year high school reunion! Yikes! I'm old!)

So, if you don't have plans this July, make a trip to Vale, Oregon to celebrate with us. Or mark your calendars for next summer. I promise you won't be disappointed!

Wallowa Lake/La Grande Adventure!

Day 1: Vale to Wallowa Lake

After packing what seemed like the entire house (hey, my motto is that I'd rather be over-prepared than under-prepared) we loaded the car (I am slightly embarrassed at how much stuff we packed for a few nights) and prepared for our journey. Vale to Wallowa Lake is roughly 4 hours away with lots of places to stop along the way (important with a recently potty trained toddler and feed-me-every-two-hours infant.)

(Rocco on the trip-- fueling up before taking off)

We left in the morning after Ruby received her bottle and hoped she would fall asleep in her car seat. Rocco had slept well the night before, so we were hopeful for a positive attitude and easy travels from him. Oh, and having a portable car DVD player with lots of kid movies also helps! After filling up with gas and grabbing some brunch, we were on our way. Ruby fell asleep rather quickly and Rocco peacefully watched movies. All was well until we got to North Powder...

(Ruby-- the calm before the storm!)

At North Powder, Ruby decided she had enough of her seat. She was hungry and had a wet diaper. We stopped. The boys peed. I changed Ruby and started feeding her a bottle before I went in to potty. I was hopeful that she would have a full belly and contently drift back to sleep. WRONG! She threw her first and only major fit for the trip-- from North Powder to Imbler. That's roughly 40 minutes of crying and fussing. Not super fun! Anywhoo... we kept going and tried to appease her, pulling over once to swaddle her, which seemed to help-- or she was just so exhausted from the 40 minutes of crying that she wore herself out-- and we continued onto our destination: Wallowa Lake!

As we got closer and closer to the lake, we could see the weather change from slightly sunny to grey and rainy. We spent the entire trip at the lake in the pouring rain. Regardless, it was still beautiful. I wish I could have gotten better shots of the mountain peaks-- they are really breathtaking. I forget just how beautiful it is up there. After settling into our cozy and cute little cabin at the lake, we went and bought some groceries and settled in for a bit. The boys braved the weather and went for a walk while Ruby and I stayed inside.We grabbed some lunch at Embers Pub-- and I ran into one of my former students by surprise. We then met our friends, Sadie and Hanley, and their little girl, Edie, at one of our favorite places-- Terminal Gravity Brewery and Ale House. We sampled some of our favorite beer while the kiddos played and caught up with our friends. It was a great way to end our first day of vacation.

(Ruby and her daddy relaxing in our cabin at the lake)

Day 2: Wallowa Lake & Joseph & Enterprise

Bright and early the following day, we went into Enterprise to see whoever we could catch at the school. I was able to see many of my old friends and colleagues, which was great. I missed a few, though, so I will have to make sure I see them first thing the next time I go. It was uplifting to hear some of my students say, "Come back, Miss R!" and remember me. I truly had such a wonderful experience when I lived and taught there and made life-long friends within the short 9 months I was there. I have already decided that we're taking a family vacation every summer to visit.

(Wallowa Lake and gloomy weather)

We then took Rocco into the playground in Joseph so he could blow off some steam. It was rainy, rainy, rainy, but he and Todd managed not to melt. Ruby and I strolled around the down town area and shopped. We hit up Bee Crow Bee for some yummy smelling salt scrubs and some balm for Aunt Stephanie. We popped over to Mad Mary's to find some cool toys for Braiden and Madi for their birthdays. We ordered lunch at La Laguna and picked up chocolate truffles at Arrowhead Chocolates while we waited. Ruby was quiet and took everything in while everyone commented on what a cute, sweet baby she was.

(Jumping in the puddle-- so much fun!) 

We headed back to the cabin, ate some lunch, and the kiddos napped. After a little rest, we loaded up and braved the lakeside in the rain. Rocco and I explored the creek, threw rocks and sticks, and jumped in puddles before getting to water-logged that we had to leave. After getting all cleaned up, we jumped back in the car and headed to my friend and former colleague's house for dinner. She had an amazing spread for us-- smoked chicken, salad, chocolate cake, mashed potatoes, bread, and wine. A couple of other friends from my teaching days joined us and Rocco played with Colby's boys. It was a great way to end the second evening of our trip.

(I love this boy!)

Day 3: Wallowa Lake to La Grande

Back on the road bright and early! And oddly enough-- the rain stopped and the sun came out. Darn! Another rough travelling experience-- both Rocco and Ruby were cranky and sick of the car. I lost it. Todd lost it. It was no bueno. BUT... things settled down after we got to Josh and Katie's house-- Rocco could play with the toys and Ruby could be held, so they were happy. We picked up gyros from Yia Yia Nikki's-- and, after hanging out with the Burrights for awhile, we went back to our hotel room for a little rest before dinner.

Dinner at the Burrights was the best part of our trip-- yummy food and great company. Our friends, the Wolcotts, came over with their kiddos. Kenny came over, too. The kids ran and played and went crazy in the backyard while the adults talked, ate, and drank a little. We talked about funny kid stories--toddlers pooping in front yards, teething trials and tribulations, and more. Kenny swears he will never have kids-- ever-- after this night. (I think he will change his mind... eventually!)

It was a great way to end our vacation-- and the kids slept awesome that night :)

Day 4: La Grande to Vale

We unfortunately cut our trip short by a day due to funerals being held back home.

After breakfast at the Burright's house-- home made biscuits and sausage gravy-- we did a little swimming at the hotel pool, then off to the world's best park. The park is HUGE and looks like a castle. There are swings, slides, fireman poles, rock climbing walls, ladders, merry go rounds, a motorcycle, and much, much more. The kids ran their hearts out and had a blast. I ran into an old art professor whom I adore and talked for a bit. It was sunny, warm, and perfect.

The morning ended with a lunch at NY Richie's-- pizza, Viper Sauce, and salad.

Back on the road to get home sweet home. Both kids crashed. When they woke up in Farewell Bend, I jumped in the back seat and kept them calm for the rest of the trip-- I was uncomfortable, but it kept our sanity! 

Home never felt so good-- for everyone.

Over-All Thoughts on the Trip:

Todd gives the kids a solid grade of a B or B-. He says "Ups and downs. It was fun. It was good to see everyone. I would give it a B- to a B. The kids struggled with being off of their routine. There were fun things for them to do, but it was good to be home at the end."

I give the trip a C. It was awesome to see friends and revisit our favorite places. It sucked to travel with kids-- cranky toddler who was off his schedule and a cranky infant who hates her car seat. I was very happy to get home.

I will leave it at that for now :) Are there family vacations in our future this summer? We will see...

(Todd is thinking FML)

(Hopeful) Summer Vacations

Todd and I have been teaching for 6 and 5 years, respectively. We have worked hard to take classes to move across the pay scale since we have graduated from the master's program at EOU. Most of these classes have been taken during the summer. Contrary to popular belief, teachers do work during the summer! In addition to classes, we also rework our curriculum, get prepared for the school year, and other various work-related stuff. But this summer-- things are a bit different. We are all done taking classes to move across the pay scale and we are settled into the groove of things with work, so we have WAY less to do this summer. That means that we can actually take full advantage of the time we have off and go on some family vacations!

Vacation #1: Wallowa Lake/Joseph/Enterprise/La Grande
The end of May, we will be taking a trip to my old stomping grounds in the most North-Eastern part of the state of Oregon. I took my first teaching job in the small, beautiful, and extremely friendly town of Enterprise. While there, I taught Kindergarten through 12th grade art. I loved the students and the people I worked with. It felt like a second home to me-- my home away from home. After Todd and I became engaged and after lengthy conversations about our future, we decided that I would have to quit my job at Enterprise and move to La Grande where there would be more job opportunities for me in the future. To date, quitting my job at Enterprise is in the top three most difficult situations I have ever been in. I loved my job, the kids, the people, the community. I find myself yearning for the mountains, the lake, the crisp air, the people, Bee Crow Bee, and much more since I have left. Needless to say, it left a large imprint on my heart. I have a feeling that we will be taking an annual family vacation to Wallowa Lake with the kids from this summer onward!

Okay, enough back-story.

On May 28 and 29, we will be staying in a quaint, cute cabin at the lake. We will visit with my old friends and see their kiddos. I hope to make a visit to the school, too. I will stock up and soak in the vibe at Bee Crow Bee. Rocco will play at the lake and look at the deer. It will be relaxing and rejuvenating.

Then... we will go down to La Grande and visit our other home-away-from-home!

Since Todd and I lived in La Grande throughout our college years, we have a group of close friends who have settled there and made La Grande their home: The Burrights, The Wolcotts, and Kenny Mace are among the friends we consider family that we will be visiting on our trip. Mostly, we will be hanging with them, but I do have some favorite places I have to visit when we are there: Yia Yia Nikki's for a gyro is a MUST, maybe a stop to the weird clothing/accessory store with Katie, and check out any new stores downtown.

Of course, depending on what time we are going through, I might need to stop at Barely Brown's in Baker to pick up a growler of Hot Blonde beer for Jason... and maybe another one for us, too :)

Vacation #2: Tour de Oregon
Our family is so spread out. It makes it difficult to visit everyone. But-- depending on how Vacation #1 goes-- we would love to do a Tour de Oregon to visit everyone!

In June, we would love to hit the road and head towards Condon going through Baker and La Grande. We'd like to stop and visit the Lantis family in Boardman before heading down to Condon to stay with Todd's parents. From Condon, we would like to go to Vancouver to stay a night there and visit the Dearborn clan. I would love to explore Portland a little more than I have-- maybe a trip to VooDoo Doughnuts? Maybe a trip to the Portland Zoo for Rocco?

From Vancouver, we would like to head down to Lincoln City. Rocco loves the beach, I love the beach, it's time for a visit! I want to indulge on fresh seafood, hit up the outlet mall, soak up the ocean breeze, let Rocco dig in the sand, and listen to the waves. Hopefully, my mom can be there with us and other family members who can swing some time off of work.

Completing the last leg of the trip would be a night spent in Bend with the Telfer family. We'd end our trip going through Burns/Juntura/Harper.

Whew.

Now-- that is our DREAM vacation, but it's a lot on little kids, so we will re-evaluate after our first (much-shorter) trip!

Vacation #3: San Diego
Todd's sister, Stephanie, and her husband, Jim, are expecting their first child, Jillian Marianne, in the middle of July. We would like to make a trip down to sunny California to meet her. Some other things we would like to do while we are there: San Diego Zoo, visit a beach, and shop at Lush. We're hoping that we can catch Steve and Rhonda (Todd's parents) while they are there, so we can spend some time with them, too.

Keep your fingers crossed for us that our kiddos travel well (mostly Ruby!) and we are able to enjoy our summer break by trekking across Oregon to visit all of our loved ones near and far! I will blog about it and share our adventures with you, of course :)

"Terrible" is Not an Accurate Description...

Google "my toddler is a brat" and see what comes up...

...it made me feel better after I did.

The following excerpt from Parents.com relieved most of my first-child stresses: "Things get decidedly murkier when a child hits toddlerhood, and tantrums over everything from socks to sandwiches become an everyday occurrence. But this behavior is not the earmark of a coddled child; rather, it's a perfectly normal part of child development. In such outbursts, kids assert their independence and vent frustrations when they're unable to express themselves effectively." 

Murkier? Um, let's try clear as mud.

Here's the positive: "perfectly normal"... PERFECTLY NORMAL!

Despite Todd's urging to send our child to a baby psychologist, I can now rest assured knowing that despite that fact that our patience is being tested beyond all limits, our child is perfectly, terribly, miserably normal. 

I hear that 3 is even worse.

So... what can I do to survive? Find awesome stuff like this to help me learn to laugh when I feel like crying...

http://messagewithabottle.tumblr.com/post/3929765331/the-50-best-messages-with-a-bottle

Sigh of relief that my child is normal. Terrible and normal and wonderful and two.

Simple Life

Having a 2-year old makes me stop and enjoy the simple things in life, like Play-Doh. Rolling the dough between my palms, smashing it against the table, creating long hissing snakes, and building monsters is a stress-reliever in the simplest sense. It's a time where the stacks of late work assignments, reading journals, and writing projects take a backseat. It's a time where the students with negative attitudes fade into the background noise of the T.V. and the worries of lesson planning for a new class subside.

For a moment, I am focused only on two things: Play-Doh and my son, who is only wearing Thomas the Train underwear and a smile.

The papers, the journals, the students, their parents, and the lesson planning can wait.

This is more important.

This is the only thing that is important.

Come on Summer!

You last heard from me in the midst of potty training... and, as my Cousin Sue (from New England) would point out-- WTF, there hasn't been any posts since then, what is going on with the Shaffers?!?! Here is a little update on all of us:

I am currently nursing that feels like a hangover-- muscles are sore, head throbs, and sick to my stomach. Unfortunately, I was not out into the wee morning hours drinking and carrying on and having a fun time. I was chaperoning high school prom. That's right-- prom. And, yes, that's right-- I am officially OLD since I feel hungover today after chaperoning! The theme was New York-- and the school was transformed into Central Park, Times Square, a subway, the Brooklyn Bridge, China Town, Yankee Stadium (GO BO-SOX!), and much more. The kids looked amazing and were having tons of fun. It is always nice to see them in a different element than the classroom. It was fun. (For the record, the flu is going around, so I'm pretty sure that's what's going on with me lol)

Yesterday, Todd and I went out to shoot ground squirrels at the farm. They are destroying my dad's wheat field. We were out for about and hour and a half and killed over 50 of those suckers. It was a great form of therapy-- nothing like shooting a gun-- and way to feel like we were helping rid my dad of those pesky rodents.

Todd has been plugging away at work and is looking forward to another year at VMS in the fall. This will be his last year on probation within the school district. I just signed a 2-year contract for next fall, as I am officially off of probation! It feels good to finally feel settled into a classroom, a district, and with a group of colleagues after switching jobs every year for the first three years after graduating from college. Todd will still be teaching Health and Computers, while I will keep representing Art and Sophomore English.

Speaking of work... I have completed 3 weeks since my extended bed rest leave/maternity leave. I have to say that leaving the second child is much less traumatic than the first. I have enjoyed being back. I have great kids this year and I work with outstanding people, so it was easy to come back. It's hard leaving your classroom to a sub in any situation, so that is my only complaint.

Between working full time and having two kiddos, I feel like I don't get much of a break (hence the lack of blogs lately!) But it is a good kind of busy. Summer break is right around the corner, so hopefully we get more of a rest then... and hoping that the weather picks up soon!

It's been a damn cold winter and awfully chilly spring, too. The sun is shining a lot, but it is just burrrrrrrrr. I am looking forward to it warming up. I have lots of projects I need to do around the house and Rocco just loves being outside. He is going to have a blast this summer with his new swing set, his bunny, and his big back yard to play in.

Rocco is talking phenomenally. He tells us stories, he tells us jokes, he tells us what he sees outsides, he makes stuff up, he is just talking up a storm. He is also very energetic-- he is ALL boy. His favorites are firemen, Angry Birds, Garfield, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, coloring, painting, playing outside, construction, and kissing his baby sister, who calls by her first and middle name: Ruby Fawn. He has really grown up tall, so he is leaning out and losing some of his baby fat. We have potty trained somewhat successfully-- he has the pee part down, buts still working on the poop part. He is staying dry at night (even though we put a diaper on him only at night.) He is just such a good kid-- very polite and funny. Todd took him to the park yesterday and said Rocco farted by a little girl. He laughed great big afterwards and said, "Scuse me!"

Ruby is also growing. Not in length so much, but in the chub factor-- that girl has some thighs! Her cheeks are oh-so-kissable, too. She is very alert and loves to socialize. She loves to look at other people and smile. She loves to look at herself in the mirror. She laughs, coos, and giggles. She has really started gnawing at her hands, grabbing my hair with her hands, grabbing blankets, toys, etc. She loves her play mat with hanging toys the best and has started bouncing around in her jumperoo. I am still breastfeeding her (go me!) but supplementing with some formula since I am back at work. She still hates her car seat and is waking up every two and a half hours at night, but, other than that, she is a great kid. She is super sweet most times.

We would like to go on some vacations and mini-vacations during summer break: a trip to La Grande/Enterprise to see friends, a trip to Condon, a trip to the beach/Lincoln City, and a trip to San Diego to meet Todd's sister's baby, Jillian. And maybe a trip to Seattle. We are hoping everything works out and Miss Ruby starts travelling better so we can get out there and see everyone. Rocco is a great little traveler now and really loves to look out the window at everything.

The other "big excitement" for this summer is my ten year high school reunion. I always thought I would be pumped about this event, but, for some reason, I am kind of dreading it! It just doesn't seem like the fun time I had in mind when I was in high school and thinking about where we'd all be 10 years later. I'm sure it will be one of those situations that I dread, then end up going and having a blast. We shall see... I will blog about it afterwards! It is over the 4th of July, which is such a great time in Vale with the parade, rodeo, people, and events in the park. There's no where else I'd rather be over the 4th than in my hometown, so I'm sure it will be a fun time.

Todd and I are still doing Weight Watchers, although it is getting more difficult by the day since I have been back to work. Eating healthy is expensive and requires a lot of prepping. If we don't plan out every little thing we eat, there is no way we can stick to the WW plan. So... we have eased up a bit on it. We are still losing or staying the same with our weight-- not gaining, which is the most important part. I would like to lose about 10 more pounds and Todd is looking at around 5. We will get there!

I guess that's all the news fit to print on my end. We are busy but uneventful at the same time-- just enjoying life and our kiddos!