Gramma Gadget

If I had to describe Gramma Fawn, I would call her quietly dynamic. It would always make me smile to watch her walk around without her knowing it. She almost always had this little smirk/smile on her face. Sometimes she wouldn't even laugh when something was really funny-- it would just be that smirk/smile but intensified. I always wondered what she was thinking. Never the center of attention-- and never wanting to be-- she was very practical and no-nonsense. She always had what she needed and didn't need anything in excess. She was simple, yet always put-together in her own way. When looking through her drawers, you would notice a polo shirt in every color under the sun with a matching golf visor. And I remember that for years she wore one shade of lipstick-- a lipstick in a emerald green tube-- but nothing else. She appreciated the best things in life-- the ones that cannot be bought.

She was maybe the most patient person I have ever met. I can only wish some of that rubs off onto me as I get older! And so smart, too. She was the one person in the family you could turn to for anything and know that you would not be judged whatsoever. She would stick with you through thick and thin-- and never seemed disappointed by anything I did, even when I felt like a complete turd. I can't remember ever being in trouble by Gramma-- partly because I never wanted to disappoint her. That would be the worst. I still laugh hard when someone tells me about the time she attempted to spank one of her kids with a yardstick for being naughty (probably my mother.) The stick broke, the kids laughed, and she called them little bastards. The visual, along with the story and my Gramma's personality makes it so funny to me. Even she laughed hard at that story when retold by my mom.

Some of her favorite activities included reading, knitting, and crocheting. Some of my most prized items are the crocheted sweaters she made throughout her lifetime. I wore them when I was little and my kids wear them now; their kids will wear them someday, too. It will make me happy to think of her every time I see Rocco or Ruby in one of her sweaters.

That's the quiet side of Gramma.

The dynamic side of Gramma was her sporty side. Todd and I used to joke that if she were a member of the Spice Girls, Gramma Fawn would definitely be Sporty Spice. Although short and of a quiet nature, Gramma was a real athlete. When she was 13 she was the youngest member of an all-girl semi-professional softball league. She played for years into her adulthood and passed on the love of the sport onto her own granddaughters-- me and Mikaela. She was such a big supporter and rarely missed a game. One of my favorite memories of childhood was when she and my mom coached one of my Little League teams. We only won one game that season-- to a team we had become friends with and they let us win-- but it was the most fun season of softball I ever had. Gramma taught us the basics and helped improve what little skill we had-- while mom made sure we had awesome treats after each game and each girl got to play equally. I think every single girl went on to play the next season-- some even played in college.

 Gramma loved being outside. When we were kids, she would take Jason and I for what we would call "Nature Walks"-- past the fields behind the house and to the river. She would wait patiently as we loaded up our survival packs and snacks before setting off an another infamous Nature Walk. When we got to the river, we would explore the area or throw rocks in the river or sometimes try to fish. We'd poke dead animals and climb trees and all sorts of crazy stuff. Gramma was game for all of it. Speaking of fishing, we definitely have lots of fishing memories with her, too. She helped form me as a girl who isn't afraid to get dirty. She also taught us to always be prepared. We called her Gramma Gadget because you could ask her for anything-- finger nail clippers, scissors, Band Aids, toothpicks, etc.-- and she would reach into her pocket, rummage around, and present you with the item. She was known for giving great gadget gifts at Christmas time and birthdays, too. Flashlights, pocket knives, exquisite writing pens, head lamps, and more were some of the items we have received.

She excelled at bowling and golfing in her adult years. She could kick any of her grandkids' asses in either sport. In fact, she beat Todd in an 18 round game of golf when she was in her seventies. Todd was 27 or 28. He loves telling that story and is still in awe to this day. True to form, Gramma didn't brag or even talk about it-- she just smile/smirked that famous grin while Todd told the story. Gramma was so excited when I decided I wanted to try my hand at golf. And thank goodness she is patient! We went up to the course-- she introduced me proudly to all of her friends and told them that I was going golfing for the first time. She never got frustrated or said anything negative the whole time-- I, on the other hand, whiffed the ball multiple times, cursed, and stamped my feet. But, because of her patience, I kept it up and have gotten much better. I can't wait to teach Rocco some of the basics on the set of mini golf clubs his Great Gramma Fawn bought him this last Christmas.

Another area that Gramma excelled in was the kitchen. Man, she was a great cook. She is the sole reason why I love Thanksgiving as much as I do. Her turkey was always juicy on the inside and the skin crispy on the outside. She made THE BEST stuffing. And her mashed potatoes were the perfect combination of creamy and thick. I always admired her intricate vegetable trays-- and it seemed like every year there would be an "exotic" new treat (pickled asparagus or something of the sort.) A few years ago, she taught me how to make the turkey and stuffing so I could be the head-honcho on Thanksgiving. She passed on her roasting pan to me and made sure to buy me my own set of prongs and a beautiful platter. This isn't the only thing she taught me in the kitchen-- she also taught me about iced coffee when I was in the third grade. I never knew it existed and thought we were geniuses for inventing the concept. We made batch after batch in her kitchen in "The Blue House" along with labels to put on empty soda bottles filled with the concoction.

I always felt closer to Gramma Fawn than any of my other grandparents, which some people might think is odd because we seem quite different. The fact is that although very different in many ways, we are also a lot alike in many ways, too. For those who know me, you know that I am the epitome of a worry wart and stress about everything. I am a perfectionist. The only person who truly understood that side of me and made me feel accepted was Gramma Fawn. She would tell me stories about when she was a little girl and how much of a stresser/worrier/perfectionist she was. Not only did I feel like someone "got me" and understood how my brain worked, but I felt like maybe there was a glimmer of hope that someday-- when I got older-- I'd normal out and just go with the flow, like Gramma. She recently described me as considerate-- something I don't think anyone has ever said to me and, to this day, the best compliment I have received. She is one of the only people in my world that can see through my exterior into the real me, who sees the methods behind my madness.

But my most favorite thing about Gramma Fawn was that I knew I could trust her. In fact, she was the only one I trusted to watch Rocco when I went back to work after he was born. Together, they made a great team. I loved watching them interact with each other. Rocco treated Gramma differently than anyone else in the family-- including his little sister whom he adores-- he was so gentle and sweet and affectionate with her. I think they had bond so great that after she got sick Rocco knew somehow and made sure he gave her extra attention.

I don't know how to end this blog. I don't think there's a right way. I do know that those who were able to be a part of Gramma's life are incredibly lucky. I know I am. I know I will miss her beyond what can be described in words.

Parenting 101

Before I was a parent, I had many ideas about what I would and wouldn't do as a mother. I look back now and laugh. I laugh long and hard. This blog is dedicated to mothers who, like me, once were foolish enough to voice their opinions about just how exactly they'd parent once their little bundle of joy arrived only later to find out that they sounded like a complete A-Hole. This blog is also dedicated to those who are not yet mothers or fathers who will someday look back, smack themselves in the forehead, and think about much of an A-Hole they were before the realities of parenthood set in. Enjoy!

Labor & Delivery
Yes, parenting/mothering misconceptions start before the baby is even born... with labor and delivery. "Why in the hell is she naked? I mean, come on! At least wear a sports bra or something! You don't have to be butt naked to have a baby." I disgustedly retorted to Todd as we left birthing class after watching yet another naked mother birth her child. WTF was written all over my face.

Cut to my labor and delivery. Me-- butt naked laying on the hospital bed allowing anyone and everyone to partake in all of my birthday suit glory. When the anesthesiologist is a dude and you're ready for the damn epidural, you don't give a crap about covering up. You pretty much do whatever you need to do to get that baby out of you. So, if you're like me, and you get a hot flash that would make any menopausal woman think they're in Antarctica, you take your gown off... and your bra. And you're sorry you're not sorry about it.

Also-- if you're worried about pooping while popping out your baby, relax. Apparently, it's pretty common. And although I didn't do it, I know that it was the absolute last thing I was worrying about when I was in the moment.

Breast Feeding
"I'm going to nurse Rocco for at least a year," I claimed at one point in my not-yet-a-mother life.

Yeah, that didn't happen either. Breast feeding is hard! Between sore nipples (my left one got infected when I had Rocco), leaking, backed up milk ducts, golf-ball size lumps in your armpits from excessive milk supply, getting up ever 2-3 hours, and engorgement, breast feeding in all reality is not as magical as you think before you're actually nipple deep in the action. Sure, the bonding is only something you and your child can have. And, yes, I am a huge advocate for breast feeding babies as the benefits to the child are tremendous. But, I once looked down on mothers who chose not to breast feed their children. I definitely do not do that anymore! It's hard... and it sucks (no pun intended)... and my motto is: do what you can for as long as you can without slitting your wrists. For me and Rocco, 6 months was our quota.

Here's the other thing about breast feeding: your boobs are now purely functional. They deliver milk to the baby. So, if you think you might be bashful about nursing in public, think again. No one-- especially you-- think of your breasts as sexy, perky objects worth lusting over. They're glorified bottles.

Binky/Pacifier
The one item I refused to purchase prior to Rocco's birth was a binky. Why? Because it would be over my dead body before any child of mine would have one of those nasty things in his mouth. Duh.

Oh, now this is one of the funniest pre-parenting moments for me. Not only did my son have a binky, he had several. And I was one of the only people okay with him having it for as long as possible to avoid a major melt-down. We went through multiple kinds of binkies throughout Rocco's infancy. We would rather leave the house without a diaper than a binky, to be honest. If there was a fire-- the binky would be one of the first items we grabbed.

Also-- I always cringed pre-Rocco days when I saw a mother pick a binky up from the floor/ground, stick it in her mouth, suck on it, and stick it back in her child's mouth. Sick! Well... not so sick when it's the millionth time your child has dropped it. I was totally one of those mothers with my kid's binky in my mouth, swapping spit.

For the record: it all turned out just fine-- he ended up giving his binky to one of the calves next door and has never looked back. He can even be around his little sister's binkies without a relapse.

Travelling
The car was decked out in toys, mirrors, and noise makers. The diaper bag was stocked with goodies galore! We had a plan on when/where we would stop along the way for feeding/changing. We were set! Travelling with a kid would be easy-- they're just strapped into the car seat, for God's sake. How hard can that be?

Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, how I laugh at myself before I had children!

Yet another pre-parenting misconception on our part was thinking that traveling with a child would be easy. We quickly learned that travelling was completely out of the question. In fact, we don't plan on travelling until Ruby is at least 5 years old. (That's a joke. Kind of.) There is no amount of toys or goodies or other distractions that will stop your horrible mini-traveler from screaming bloody murder for miles and miles and miles. There is not a volume in a car stereo loud enough to drown out the cries. If your kid doesn't want to travel, guess what? You'll need to really get used to being a homebody.

You're a fool if you think otherwise.

End of story.

If you're one of those parents who are lucky enough to have a good traveler, (1) I know you're really lying and (2) Okay, I'll humor you and pretend to believe you... Good for you... A-Hole.

Sleeping
Myth: "My child will never sleep in the same room as me-- especially not in my bed!"

Reality: Your kid will sleep with you. Your baby will sleep in the same room as you, in a bassinet right next to your side of the bed, under an Angel Care breathing system bleeping every 30 seconds, with a lamp on so you can see his/her every movement whenever they make a peep. Why? Because after your child is born, you quickly realize how fragile they are and how precious they are to you. Your heart will far outweigh logic in this case. It doesn't get much better in time... Your infant will sleep in a crib in your room. The lamp will be the only thing missing from the previous sentences. Your toddler will wake up in the middle of the night--repeatedly-- and crawl into your bed. He or she will snuggle right in between you and your husband. And you will let him/her, because you're so damn tired and you have work the next day. Then, once your child is older, he or she will have nightmares or get sick. You will find yourself, yet again, with a bed mate. The one mistake we made thus far as parents in the sleeping department was not getting a King-sized mattress.

For the record-- Rocco sleeps in his own room-- across the house from our room, all night long, with the door closed, and all lights off with the exception of a small night-light. But it was a long road to get to where we are today!

Food & Nutrition
If the only thing my toddler will eat is chicken nuggets and french fries-- well, he's getting chicken nuggets and french fries. You give in eventually when you think your child is going to start looking like one of those starving kids from Africa. It happens to the best of us. So, when you're not yet a parent, and you find yourself judging those around you who allow their children an occasional Happy Meal or a dinner of pancakes, stop. Just stop. You will be in our shoes someday, too. As much as you try to expose them to all kinds of fruits and veggies, they will, at some point, be in the "gag at everything and spit it out phase." Roll with the punches, stop being a Food-Nazi, and give in.

And, yes, my child has attempted to eat a dog treat. He was stopped mid-bite and promptly spat it out. That happens, too. Don't think your kid is above it.

Every Mother's Mistake
"Rocco is NOT fat," I would scream at Todd, "He is perfect!" As a mother, you have no idea that your baby is fat/ugly/misbehaved/stupid/or any other negative quality. You look at your child and can't think of him or her as anything but absolutely perfect. It's true. My mother did it to me. I did it to Rocco. Ruby will someday do it to her child. Just know that at some point in time, you, too, will be looking back and realize that you were totally blinded by the love you have for your child. To be honest, Rocco's quirks are what now make me love him more. Perfect is boring.

For the record: Ruby is the most beautiful little baby girl I have ever laid eyes on...

Education & Learning
Unless you speak another language, you will not teach your child another language. You might attempt a few signs from American Sign Language, but only after you go to the babysitter's house to pick up your kid and see another kid his/her age using sign language for "please" and "thank you." You won't have time to teach your baby to read, either. You'll look at the books and make plans to go through the material when they can at least talk. Speaking of talking, you're going to be so excited when they can actually speak your native tongue that you'll forget all about the bi-lingual aspect.

Dining Out as a Family
This was never a misconception for me. In fact, I was 6 or 7 months pregnant with Rocco and had a mini-meltdown at the Olive Garden. Todd and I were alone and seated next to a table with five children. After about 20 minutes of sitting next to them, the meltdown started. I looked at Todd with tears in my eyes and said, "We're never going to be able to eat out again!" Then I proceeded to cry uncontrollably.

I was right!

We're following the same rule as traveling-- no dining out as a family until Ruby is at least 5. I'm kidding... kind of...

Bottles
This is one aspect of parenting that I didn't have issues with-- getting my kiddo away from their bottle. That might have been because sippy cups came filled with milk... with chocolate. That's a lie. Kind of. However, my best friend and fellow mother has a daughter who just wouldn't part with her bottle until she was three. My friend was certain that her daughter would be bottle-free long before she sent her to pre-school, but, as it turns out, the bottle was very similar to Rocco's binky-- it was the kid's security blanket. Other mothers would judge and my friend would, for awhile, melt at their disapproving glances. But, I think she felt better after reassessing the situation... and hearing about a couple who were reported to DHS for asking a vet to put a cast on their daughter's hand/arm to keep her from sucking her thumb. Sounds like an in genius plan to me!

Potty Training & Poo Finger Painting
Myth: My child will be potty trained before they turn two. They will definitely be trained before the next one.

Reality: For those lucky folks with kids who are potty-training prodigies, good for you... A-Holes. For the rest of us-- we're lucky if our kids are potty trained before they are supposed to go to pre-school. Rocco has been potty trained at the babysitter's house for quite a while now. They eat M & M's and dance and sing. Then he comes home and immediately runs to his favorite pooping hiding spot, drops a deuce, and now puts his hands behind his head as if he's the utmost relaxed while I wipe the poo from his derriere. Going potty at our house is hit or miss. Sometimes he asks. Most times, he just goes as he pleases in his Lightening McQueen Pull-Ups. Sometimes, if we're really "lucky" he tries to wipe himself after going number two, thus getting poo on his fingers... and proceeds to finger paint with it. Don't laugh-- you might be dealing with this one day. My friend-- as mentioned in the bottle section-- dealt with her daughter almost getting kicked out of day care for finger painting the babysitter's walls with her crap. The babysitter even started charging more.

I have found that those parents who push their kids to potty train before the kid is ready have the most failure. Todd and I tried to potty train last summer-- before Rocco was 2 and clearly not ready-- but gave up when he showed signs that he was more content with a dirty diaper. We will try again this summer. And, if he still isn't ready... well, I guess we just keep on trucking. And buy lots of Lysol wipes.

For the record: we are currently diapering two children-- a toddler and a newborn. I would much rather deal with diapering two kids in disposable diapers than deal with loads of laundry from failed potty-training attempts. The extra cost, in my opinion, is well worth it.

Interactions with Pets
Expect your child to assault your pet on a daily basis. That's a given. But here are some example of pet situations you may never think of pre-parenthood. My mom almost threw up the first time she witnessed Rocco allowing our yellow lab, Tucker, to lick inside of his mouth. Gross? Yes. A battle worth fighting? Not so much. This was happening around the time Rocco learned to walk and we were going around the house baby-proofing every nook in our home. Mark my words-- if you have a pet, your child will, at some point, do something utterly disgusting with it. Rocco also feverishly removed a piece of the cat's poop from his swing set area-- with his bare hands. And it was caught on video. That's what anti-bacterial soap is for. If you think it's just MY kid-- you are wrong. Again, I am taking inspiration from the before-mentioned mother who reminded me that her son has (and I quote from her) "consumed a disgusting amount of dog food." The plus-side: when your kid is old enough for their chore to be picking up poo piles from the yard. Think about it...

Final Word: Most of you will see the humor in this post. If you did not, here's a hint-- this was meant to be very tongue-in-cheek. If you find yourself all huffy-puffy or judgmental, you need to lighten up. It's a joke! (Kind of...)

My final thought on parenting is this: each parent needs to do whatever works best for their child(ren) and their family, free of judgement from others. In the end, it seems that most kids turn out just fine despite their various upbringings and their parents' ill attempts at screwing them up. Ultimately, we want our children to be happy. We do anything to put them first at any cost. We want our family to be harmonious. Do what you need to do to make that happen and don't worry about what everyone else thinks of you or is doing with their own kids. Always remember that you are a great mom in the eyes of your child(ren).

Hug your mom. Thank her. Kiss your dad. Thank him.

PS: They're right-- you will totally understand where they were coming from after your have children of your own.

Writers Note: A few weeks after writing this blog, someone posted a mother's letter to her pregnant, child-less self on Facebook. I think it is hilarious and so, so true! Enjoy!

Jaxon Jace Ray

It's a good thing I'm up a lot at all hours of the night and early morning these days. Because I was fully alert and awake when Lora called me at 4:30 this morning.

"Hi. Are you okay?" I asked. Everyone knows that when you get a call THAT early in the morning, something must be up. And, since she was pregnant, I knew it wasn't a drunk dial.

"Yeah, I think so..." Lora said. I waited for her to spill the beans... "I felt a kick or something and then I started I guess peeing all over myself. I can't control it!"

I basically told her to go get it checked out. I finished feeding and burping Ruby. And I slept for a little less than an hour. I was reaching for my phone to text Lora when it rang.

(Long sigh...) "I'm at a four..." Lora said.

I was shocked! I got up, got ready, and got prepared. The kids were ready, the diaper bags were packed, and I was on high-alert. I was also happy that I didn't tell her that she was just peeing herself!

Imagine how shocked I was when Lora called about 45 minutes later to say that she was at a six and getting an epidural.

"Holy shit! She's going fast!" I half-way yelled at Todd when I hung up the phone. Then, I got logical, "She'll take a nap after the epidural. We still have a bit. I'm going to feed Ruby and then we will head over. You take Roc to Mom's house."

Ruby was almost done when I had a sneaking suspicion that I needed to call Jason. It was about 45 minutes after the last call.

"She's at a NINE?!?!?!" I screamed into the phone.

Ruby was off the boob and into her car seat in a matter of minutes. We were off and hurrying as fast as possible without driving recklessly to St. Al's in Ontario. I sent a text to everyone. I sent a text to Jason: CALL ME IF THEY HAVE HER START PUSHING. Phone rang:

"She's tried pushing a couple of times," Jason said.

"WHAT?!?! We're not even to the twin silos yet! We're hurrying! I'm so sorry I'm not there! I thought I had so much more time! She's going SO FAST!" I screamed.

Jason laughed. I could hear Lora laughing in the background.

I then proceeded to have a very intense conversation with Todd about how this is not humanly possible and how jealous I was that Lora had such a quick, lightening-speed labor. I was mostly happy she was not going to be in pain-- or at least for long! And I prayed I would make it!

Todd screeched up to the doors of the hospital, I jumped out, and (in the words of Forest Gump) I WAS RUNNING! Nurses scowled at me. Janitors looked puzzled. Lora's sister, Katie, was in the waiting room and saw a flash of my pony-tail and black leggings streak across the open door.

Breathless and really feeling that month of bed rest, I made it. Lora was still pushing. Thank God!

Then, the fun began. Well, for me, that is! Lora did such a great job. She pushed for about two hours-- each time she had a contraction, we'd hold her legs and head, Jason would count, I would attempt at motivation. I watched the whole thing-- and was amazed at every sign of progress. Before I knew it, Jaxon's head was SO close-- I threatened to just pull him out myself. Plus, Lora was super uncomfortable, so I just wanted her to feel better! With a final contraction, Lora pushed with all her might... Jaxon's head "popped" out and his body slip-slided out quickly after. Lora breathed a giant sigh of relief. And little Jaxon started clearing out his lungs. It was pretty exciting, for lack of better wording, to see a baby being born. It was truly a miracle. And I am truly honored that Jason and Lora allowed me to be a part of their miracle. By the way, Jaxon was born around 9:30 am-- so Rock Star Lora did this amazing feat in less than five hours!!!

After taking some photos, soaking up a little baby miracle time, and congratulating the new parents, I greeted everyone in the waiting room and announced the good news. Unfortunately for them, I am a rookie at this, so I didn't have weight or length and I forgot to bring the cameras to show photos. So I went back in, took more photos, soaked up more baby time, and congratulated the parents again... oh, and remembered the weight, length, and cameras! Jason and Lora had a group eagerly awaiting Jaxon's arrival: Todd, Ruby, Rocco, my parents, Jason's mom, Lora's mom and sister, and Lora's grandparents. Lora's dad and step-mom came right after Jaxon made his arrival.

Everyone was happy, healthy, and thankful for the newest addition to the family-- Jaxon Jace Ray, the first baby of 2013 at St. Al's in Ontario, 6 lbs and 2 oz., 18 inches in length, with immaculate hair and great lips.

Christmas 2012 Recap

Okay, okay... I can't believe I'm actually admitting it, but I am looking forward to Christmas next year! Why? Not because my husband converted me to a Christmas lover with all of his cheesy Christmas-themed movies, the carols blasting from the bathroom and car stereo, or the decorations adorning our home. No, not because of those things... Because Christmas was fun again thanks to Rocco!

Before I recap Christmas morning at our house with Rocco, let me start with the beginning of the festivities: the Clark/Recla Christmas Extravaganza the Sunday before Christmas at our house. In attendance were: Todd, Kacie, Rocco, Ruby, Mike, Kim, Jason, Lora, Grandma Mary, Uncle Gilbert, Aunt Andrea, Uncle Pat, Josh, Mikaela, Uncle Dean, Papa Gary, Lori, Marcy, and Grandma Fawn. So, there were 19 of us total! Everyone was asked to bring an appetizer or dessert to share with others, and, of course, we had more than enough food and sent people home with left-overs. It was a delicious spread! Usually, we have a large sit-down traditional dinner with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, etc. This year, though, we wanted something more laid-back and low-key. While we noshed on our yummy food, we began the white elephant exchange. Everyone brings a gift-- either something they picked up for a steal throughout the year or a re-gift-- and we each draw numbers. Each person has the opportunity to either choose a wrapped gift or steal from someone else. After a gift has touched three different sets of hands, it is taken out of the game. It gets pretty cut-throat! But it is one of the most anticipated "events" of the year with our family. We then opened gifts from everyone. As expected, everyone was spoiled again this year. I think I speak for everyone who was able to attend that it was a great celebration with the whole family and that the more laid-back, low-key aspect was much appreciated.

That evening, we had a special visit from "Santa" and his "helpers" (Rick Dentinger aka Santa, helpers: Mike and Matt Dentinger and Rory Churchill.) Santa came BOOMING into the house-- "HO HO HO!"-- and scared Rocco to the point where Rocco was shaking. He was totally freaked out. We could not get him on Santa's lap. But, he did finally come around enough to give Santa a hug, high fives, and fist bumps before he left! Santa and his helpers were a lot of fun and we were glad they stopped by.

The following day, Christmas Eve day, our little family did a lot of relaxing. Our original plans had fallen through, so we had a lot of time to clean up from the day before, put away gifts, and watch Rocco play with some of his new toys. Oh, and soak up time with Miss Ruby, too! That evening, we went out to Grandma Mary's house. Uncle Gil made a spread that could rival with any fine dining restaurant. The man is amazing in the kitchen! He made probably the best clam chowder I have ever eaten, as well as a couple quiches, a pear/walnut salad, and more. We would get so fat if Gil were around cooking for us all the time! True to tradition, Grandma had a lottery ticket at each place setting. We ate, we watched gifts being opened, and we watched Rocco beat up Mikaela. They act like brother and sister! Later that night, after we got home, we put Rocco to bed so we could prepare for the following morning...

Being Santa is a little stressful! There's a lot of pressure for perfection-- especially with the first conscious visit from Santa for a kid! Anyway, we were well-prepared-- gifts had been wrapped and just needed to be put under the tree or in the stocking and the larger items (a firetruck Rocco can drive himself and a 4-story fire station) were assembled, so they just needed to be set up in front of the tree. The one thing we prepared for that didn't happen was leaving milk and cookies for Santa from Rocco-- he was too tired after getting home, so we just put him to bed. Next year, though, we will get it done! It didn't take as long as we thought. Before we knew it, we were attempting sleep (Ruby had a really rough night that night, so we really didn't sleep at all!) My parents snuck over to the house that night, too, so that they would be here first thing in the morning to see Rocco's face as he saw all the presents for him under the tree.

Todd, Ruby, and I were up early to catch Rocco's reaction. Todd grabbed the video camera, and I sat with Ruby. Rocco came around the corner very sleepy and meandered through the living room-- oblivious to the presents-- and crawled up on my lap. I kept saying, "Rocco! Look at all of those presents Santa left you!" It took him awhile to fully wake up and realize that there was a fire station and fire truck for him. But when he did-- oh, the look was priceless! His eyes lit up, he smiled, and he RAN to the fire station. He played with it for almost 3 hours straight! It was difficult to even get him to open up his other presents! He is definitely one lucky little boy. He played with his new toys for most of the morning while we watched. My dad made us a great breakfast. And we made sure to capture a lot of it on video and through photos. That afternoon, we opened our gifts from Todd's family and called to talk with them for a bit. Then, we relaxed some more!

All in all, with the exception of some plans falling through and some family not being able to make it down, this Christmas was perfect! We are so loved by family and spoiled by them. Most importantly, for me, was feeling the magic of Christmas all over again through the eyes of my child. I can't wait to add more traditions as Rocco and Ruby get older-- I have so many in mind that they won't be able to fully appreciate until they're a little older, but are going to be so much fun! I hope that those of you reading this also had a wonderful Christmas and are planning a fun, safe NYE celebration!!!

Life with Ruby and Rocco

Well, the past two weeks have flown by and have been quite a change for our family. Here's a recap of how things have been in the Shaffer household with a toddler and a newborn (and a busy dad and recovering mama.)

Ruby
This little girl has been very sweet (for the most part) and very docile. She sleeps most of the day and only has a couple fussy periods. We took her in for her first check-up and everything looked great. The doctor said she is healthy and perfect, but was a little concerned about her weight. He ordered a weight check for two days later. So, we took her in, and she had lost 22 grams. Apparently, that is somewhat of a concern. Since Ruby had a full belly at the initial visit, the doctor ordered me to feed her on the spot and re-weigh her. She gained 2 ounces in a matter of minutes. So... no issues for the time being. I have been conscious to wake Ruby up every 2 hours to feed her, because I am not wanting another doctor appointment where Ruby's weight is a concern. I'm ready for a chunky baby! Her cheeks and chin are starting to fill out, but her arms and legs are like tooth picks. Regardless, she is a doll and truly stunning. Her big accomplishments in the past two weeks have been surviving two baths and her belly button stump falling off.

Rocco
Big Brother is still infatuated with Little Sister-- lots of kisses, gentle (we're working on it) hugs, and definitely giving his protection. There have been a couple instances where people have stopped by to either hold or merely look at Ruby and Rocco says very sternly, "That's MY sister! You don't touch her..." Now, if only we can bottle that up and save it for when they are in high school...
The combination of bed rest, recovering from a c-section, and having a newborn attached to me almost constantly has proven to be a big adjustment to the relationship Rocco and I have. He is a little mad at me, I think. But we are working on it. I finally started feeling-- human?-- so I am making it a point to hand Ruby off to her daddy while Rocco and I have some time to ourselves. So far, it's working, and he is being much sweeter to his mama. He requested that he and I take a shower together tonight, which I happily obliged in as showers, unfortunately for everyone involved, are few and far between for me lately...
Rocco's big focus was Santa and Christmas before Ruby came into the world. Now, he is excited, but a little distracted by his sister. He is also very busy being a fireman-- yes, he is still deep in that phase. He will surely be elated when Christmas morning comes around and under the tree is a real firetruck he can drive himself and a 3-story fire house (along with other gifts.)

Todd
Getting up lots in the middle of the night, running after Rocco, and fighting off a winter cold is wearing Todd down just a little, but not much. I think neither one of us quite remembered just how hard a newborn is for the first few weeks.
True to form, Todd is definitely ready for everything Christmas. If he has the choice, we are watching some kind of Christmas movie. I catch him listening to carols in the shower on the radio in the bathroom. And he is trying to convert me with gusto.

Kacie
Last, but certainly not least-- or, should I say, saving the best for last? Here's the scoop on me: like I mentioned earlier, I am finally feeling human. Fresh from the shower really helps with that one. I should probably average more than one a week-- that's a joke. (Kind of.) I was incredibly sore and uncomfortable from the surgery for the first week-- literally an entire week. I was expecting 3 days. Not the case. As soon as I started feeling good, I discovered that I am allergic to the particular glue used to adhere the steri-strips over my incision. I was itching like crazy one night with no relief, so I called the nurse and asked what was up. She told me to immediately get the strips off and clean the area with hydrogen peroxide. The area then got inflamed and blistered. Yes, this is all in "that area" and surrounding the incision. Not glamorous. I also had some pain in my abdomen area, so decided it was best to just go in and get a professional opinion. My doctor told me to take Benadryl for the reaction and gave me some anti-biotics for a suspected infected uterus (I had the same thing with Rocco.) Making a LONG story SHORT: This recovery has been ca-ca.

Now, on to better things: being a mother of two. Although I forgot just how difficult it is to be the mother of a newborn with 2-3 hour intervals of sleep between breast feedings, I am totally soaking up my time with Ruby. As the second child, she reaps the benefit of my knowing just how quickly the newborn stage goes. And, since she will be our last child, I am selfishly hoarding her. My mom says, "You don't give her up very easily..." In fact, I think I can count on one hand the number of people that have actually held her. That kind of paints the picture for you, egh? Having a high-energy 2 year old this time around puts a whole new spin on things-- a lot of sensory overload on my part. But, to be honest, things are actually feeling fairly sane and relaxed in my household. I know that Ruby will be able to sleep through anything, though, as her brother has a tendency to "scare" his sister by growling at her like a dinosaur, playing his drums as she sleeps, and wrestles his dad like Nacho Libre.

Other Family Updates
This Sunday Todd and I will be hosting a Clark/Recla Christmas Celebration where all of the family is invited. It will be more low-key this year, as I didn't want to deal with hosting a full seated dinner, so we decided on everyone bringing an appetizer or dessert to share. We will exchange gifts, as well as participate in the cut-throat white elephant gift exchange. It's always a fun time with the people I love the most! We were hoping that Todd's family would be able to make it down, but his sister and her husband decided to spend the holidays in Todd's hometown with their parents. They have yet to meet Ruby, so we are anxious to get them down here.

Mom is enjoying retirement. She has been quilting up a storm! We love that she is retired, too, as she is a great babysitter and Rocco absolutely adores her-- and his Papa Mike. She has been spending lots of time with Grandma Fawn, too. She is there every Friday night-- they watch lots of movies together and weed out the stupid ones so no one else has to endure them.

Jason and Lora are expecting baby Jaxon the end of January. It's been fun helping them get prepared for their little bundle of joy. I can't wait to meet him and watch the cousins grow up together. I think Ruby and Jaxon will get bossed around big time by Rocco!

We have lots of things to be thankful for this time of year and for years to come. We hope that you and your family also have a wonderful holiday and a prosperous new year. Celebrate the things in life that make you happiest.

Ruby's Birth Story

A few days after Rocco was born, I sat down (along with Todd and my mom) to write Rocco's birth story. I put it in his scrapbook and have often referred back to it. So, having some time on my hands in the hospital and not being able to be super active, I thought it was the perfect time to write Ruby's birth story.

On Saturday, December 8, 2012, I woke up early and thought, "I need to take Rocco to see Santa today." So, Todd, Rocco, and I loaded up into the car, drove to Boise Towne Square, and waited in line to see Santa. Rocco was so excited and in awe. It was definitely one of my highlights as a parent to see the magic in his eyes. I was breaking the rules of bed rest by taking him, but I knew it would be worth it-- and it was.

We got home, relaxed, and eventually ate some dinner. During dinner I noticed that I was experiencing some contractions with pain. I had experienced this in the past, so I didn't think much of it. I ate like a hog and made sure to drink lots of water (to eliminate contractions due to dehydration.) Dinner was around 5:15 pm. After dinner, I went to sit on the recliner and relax. The contractions didn't stop. I then decided it was time to get in the bath to see if contractions would cease. At that point, I had called my mom to warn her that I might be going in to the hospital to get checked-- but I'd call her after the bath. Still, at this point, I thought my body was just "doing it's thing" and labor was still far from coming. After sitting in the bath for an hour and a half, I decided that maybe I should get a second opinion. This was around 8:15 pm.

I texted one of my nurse friends who works in the labor and delivery unit of the hospital.

"Are you working tonight by any chance?"

"No. Why?"

After explaining my evening to her, she wrote back, "Go in. Is she still breech? Go in." I got out of the bath, calmly told Todd that we needed to go in, and started getting dressed. I called my mom and told her to come on over. Still, I wasn't panicked or even feeling any kind of urgency. Todd, on the other hand, seemed a bit jittery and nervous. He probably won't admit it, but I know him all too well.

Todd says, "I was really confident that Ruby was coming, because Kacie knows her body so well. I knew I needed to make sure I got the car seat, the bags, and make sure Rocco was set. I had to try to be as calm as possible for Kacie."

Mom and Dad showed up quickly. Rocco was super excited to see them, which made leaving him that late at night easier on me. There were lots of hugs and kisses, then Todd and I loaded up into car, and proceeded to St. Al's in Ontario.

"Stay calm. Be really safe. I knew Kacie would be stressed enough as is. I was really excited," Todd recalls of his thoughts on the drive over. We talked a lot-- about random stuff to ease nerves and about the possibility of having a baby that night. I was still pretty calm considering the circumstances.

We got into labor and delivery around 9 pm where we were met by an incredibly sweet nurse, Juanita. She had me get into an extremely glamorous gown, lay on the bed, and strapped two monitors to my belly (one to check contractions and one to check the baby's heartbeat.) She didn't monitor me for long-- as I was having regular contractions ever 2-3 minutes apart. She decided to check me and said, "Oh, you're at a good 3." I was shocked. Here I was laughing, joking, and relatively pain-free. I had no idea I was in "real" labor. (A far cry from my first experience-- I was literally begging for an epidural at a 5!) While checking me, the nurse was almost certain Ruby had flipped and was head down. I kept trying to explain to her that Dr. Duncan also made the same mistake and that I could still feel her head right under my ribs. She had another nurse come in-- Linda-- who also checked and was mystified. They broke out the ultrasound machine and determined, that, in fact, the mother was right all along-- Ruby was still most definitely breech.

"So... if I'm having contractions and am dilated to a 3, does that mean I'm having a baby tonight?" I asked.

"You're having a baby tonight!" Nurse Juanita replied.

We notified very few people-- I think just my parents and Todd's parents. Then, we got ready... Having a C-section is much more of a process than I thought. First, there's the paper work. Then, there's the IV and prep work. There's also the rounding up of the "troops"-- I had no idea it took so many people! There was a regular labor and delivery nurse, an operating room nurse, the anesthesiologist, Dr. Duncan-- my OB/GYN, a nurse who handled all of the "tools" for the job, and the pediatrician. The nurses got us ready in our special outfits (see photo below) and had the anesthesiologist come in to talk to us about the procedure. His name was Mike and he was maybe one of the sweetest men I have ever met. I was so nervous and scared, but he made me feel so much better. The hardest part was being wheeled back to the operating room without Todd-- being so scared and nervous and excited and anxious.

In the operating room, all of the "troops" met up. It was like a party! The operating room nurse and Mike introduced me to the nurse who handles all of the "tools" and I said something really stupid like, "I'm really scared and nervous and sometimes I make really stupid jokes when I'm terrified, so I apologize in advance for anything that comes out of my mouth." They laughed. I then got my spinal. The whole time, someone was walking me through what was happening-- it was great. And thanks to many of my mama friends who have had c-sections sharing their stories with me, I already knew what was happening! The spinal did not hurt at all. It was relatively easy, actually. I was then laid out on the bed and Mike had me stretch my arms out to the sides-- like I was being crucified. They put the sheet up over my face and everyone started their responsibilities. Mike was monitoring my pain the whole time and at one point sensed something was wrong. He asked, "Everything okay?" I said, "I am so nauseous  but I don't know if it is from nerves or the anesthesia." He looked at me, smiled, and said, "I've got something for that..." Oh my gosh... away went the nerves and jitters. Todd came in around that time and was shocked to find a completely mellow wife. He asked Mike if he could have some of whatever magic medicine he gave me for home.

Todd and I talked the whole time-- about what we thought Ruby would look like and about Rocco. I couldn't see anything so I had no idea what was going on. I was nervous about the smell of my skin being cauterized, but that was not an issue. I was also nervous about any noises I might hear-- again, not an issue for me. I knew exactly when Ruby was out of me, though-- because I could feel them lift her out of me. It's an odd experience-- there is no pain, but you can feel pressure/relief. She was born at 11:43 pm on December 8, 2012. It was not too much longer before we heard one of the most reassuring, beautiful, amazing things in the world: Ruby crying.

Now, I am not the sentimental type. I didn't cry when Rocco was born. But, man, did I cry this time. For so long, I had been so worried about Ruby's health, especially her lung development. So, it was such a relief for me, so I think the tears were joyous.

Todd could see Ruby at this point, but I couldn't. I asked several times if she looked alright and if they were suctioning her and if she was okay-- Todd was at ease, so I knew everything must have been okay. And Ruby was roaring the entire time-- she has a great set of lungs on her! Todd said, "She has lots of blonde hair!" Everyone congratulated us, which was so sweet. And as soon as the pediatrician laid Ruby down in the warmer/bed, Mike moved the sheet a little so I could have a look at my girl. I could only see the crown of her head and an ear-- and was shocked at the tuff of platinum blonde hair all around Ruby's head.

It didn't seem like too long before they had Ruby bundled and able to introduce her to me. I kissed her and admired her and talked to her. She was beautiful. Stunningly beautiful. And, yes, it's true, c-section babies are much more attractive than vaginal birth babies because they don't go through all the stress. Ruby was then whisked away to the nursery with Todd following close behind.

I was then sewed up. There are three layers that need to be sewn-- the uterus, the muscle, and the skin. Dr. Duncan was talking about something really random the whole time. I can't remember it now (I was on morphine, so there are many blanks throughout the first couple days!) I think it took about 30 minutes. I was just so anxious to hold Ruby and really check her out, so it felt like an eternity. I even got bored at one point! Finally, I was wheeled into the recovery room where I was met by another nurse who knew my family and Todd had taught some of her kids. I was really out of it at this time, so I can't remember anything except for when Todd and Ruby came back to greet me. Then, it was all about Ruby-- everything else fades away. I finally got to hold, kiss, and snuggle my girl. Still in shock from all of her white hair, I couldn't help but keep pulling the beanie away for a glimpse every few seconds. She was perfect.

Throughout the next few days there were lots of visitors: my parents, Jason and Lora, Aunt Andrea and Grandma Mary, Mikaela, friends, and more. But there were two visitors who were extra special. The first one was Rocco. We were nervous about how he would react to a baby sister, so it was super important that he was one of the first to meet her. He came in with flowers and a huge smile proclaiming, "My sister!" I couldn't stop him from crawling up onto the bed with me. He then proceeded to maul her with kisses. He was absolutely head over heels in love. Totally infatuated. It was so sweet and such a relief. And, according to my mom, a testament to how loved Rocco is because he was mimicking what he has experienced as a child. It was a wonderful experience as a mom to have my two babies finally meet and to see such a bond between them already.

The other special visitor was Grandma Fawn who came all the way to the hospital (with the help of Uncle Dean and Aunt Marcy). I was shocked and happy to see her. It was another memory that will forever be in my heart.

There was also a lot of pain and recovery over the next few days in the hospital. I was extremely sore and uncomfortable-- more than I imagined. It was a task to pee, move in bed, put on socks, hold Ruby-- everything. I felt so helpless. Eventually, I was able to walk around a bit and feel more like a human being. I took a shower, which made me feel like a million bucks! We felt confident enough to go home the Tuesday following Ruby's arrival.

It is amazing how different the second child is from the first. In my case, it was a completely new experience. Since we have been home, I have been so much more relaxed with her and have gotten much more sleep than I did when Rocco was born. She is a sweet baby and so good. She sleeps for 2-3 hours at a time, nurses like a champ, and rarely cries. She is little, but strong. And she is very alert when she is awake-- always studying things around her with her big eyes.

I never knew I could be this happy and have this much love in my heart for another child. But she totally has me wrapped around her little finger.

The Nesting Instinct

"I'm going to Wal-Mart," I whispered to Todd, who was a second ago sound asleep. Most people are at 4 in the morning. "What time is it?" he asked. I explained that I had been up for a good hour and decided that although it was 4 am, it was the best time to drive the 20 minutes to the nearest Wal-Mart and pick out the perfect lamp for Rocco's nursery. "Can't you wait until I get up?" Todd asked, totally confused and a little concerned. "No," I said, "I have to go RIGHT NOW."

Two days later... Rocco was born.

The "Nesting Instinct" kicked in months ago with Ruby. I had no idea then why I decided it was the perfect time to sterilize all the bottles and nipples, wash and organize all of her clothes, and make sure there was a clean sheet on her crib mattress-- I was only around 7 months pregnant. I now know that my nesting began so early because I started to go into labor at 31 weeks. Makes sense in hind-sight.

I recently did more reading and research on this phenomenon and learned that it is as natural as motherhood itself. All female animals in the animal kingdom do some sort of nesting either right before they have their offspring or right after they have their offspring. It is primal instinct. Birds have a tendency to do what is called "going broody" in which their nesting instinct is to remain in the nest they have built as much as possible before they lay their eggs. I'd have to say that being put on mandatory bed rest has definitely made me "go broody." Poor mama birds... I do have to say that while "going broody" I have felt an urge to crochet beanies like a mad-woman. Hey, at least Ruby's head will be warm.

One website writes, "Nesting brings about some unique and seemingly irrational behaviors in pregnant women and all of them experience it differently." Most women who nest seem to have one goal in mind-- preparing their surroundings for their newborn to be brought home. Usually it consists of cleaning, sterilizing, and organizing. But, did you know that fathers-to-be can also have their own nesting instinct?

It's true. Some fathers-to-be become preoccupied with their own version of getting ready for baby. One website had several men discussing their incessant need to find the perfect family vehicle-- something safe, reliable, and large enough for their brood. Other men went on a remodeling spree where they tore down walls, painted, installed new flooring, etc. Still, some men take a more "motherly" approach and do some cleaning and organizing. I have found that with this pregnancy, Todd has exhibited some nesting signs of his own. This morning, for example, he decided to pack his over-night bag, vacuum, sweep, scrub the baseboards, and take Rocco for a hair cut. He also made sure that we put up the Christmas decorations claiming that he didn't know how many more weekends we would have to do it before Ruby came (this is questionable behavior, because Christmas is Todd's most favorite holiday and he wants to decorate as early as possible every year-- not just when his wife is 9 months pregnant!)

So, Mothers (and Mothers-to-be): What is your nesting story? I have a friend who described how she had the urge to scrub the inside of the dog kennel before her baby's arrival. At the time, it seemed absolutely necessary. In hindsight, she laughed and said something to the effect of, "...Like my baby was going to be in the dog kennel!" (J: if you're reading this, I hope you don't mind that I anonymously used your story!!!)

Whether it's scrubbing a dog kennel or making a trip to Wal-Mart at 4 am for a lamp or just sitting around crocheting beanies like there's going to be a yarn apocalypse  mothers really do have their own unique (and slightly neurotic) way or preparing for baby. I certainly know that Ruby is on her way sooner than later (can you believe that if she stays in me until the 17th it's only 2 weeks!!!) And I know that my husband is exhibiting some odd behaviors of his own lately. Even Rocco is more snuggley and needy today than he has been. I wonder if everyone but me knows that labor is impending and nature is trying to tell us something. We shall see :)